Do I Really Think Liberals Are Impaired?
I've thought about this a lot, and there's only one way I can interpret the data: Liberalism is actually a mild form of mental retardation. Naturally, lots of people, the vast majority of them Liberals, will be offended by this. A few people will also (rightfully) be upset that this might be considered insulting to the retarded. Unfortunately, the truth is not always pretty, and we need to face the truth, no matter how unpleasant.
My Dad always told me that, as the Bible says, "Let the Truth be your shield, but if you go around hitting people in the face with a shield, it's bound to hurt!" I don't want to hurt people, but somebody needs to point this out, and I'm afraid it will have to be me.
What constitutes mental retardation? According to my research, it is a mental impairment that makes a "normal" life difficult or impossible. I would define a "normal" life as one in which you can lead your own life on your own terms without undue interference. Naturally, anything that interferes with leading that life would be abnormal, and there are few things more interfering with normal life than a coercive and controlling government.
My, How Theoretical!
What's this got to do with Liberalism? Glad you asked. As everybody knows, Liberals are in favor of Big Government. As we've noticed, Big Government is all about control. They want to tell you when to get up in the morning, when to go to bed at night, what you can eat, what you can read, whom you can marry, and control just about every other aspect of your life and being. There are few things that interfere with a normal life more than a big, nasty government, but that's what Liberals say they want. What's wrong with this picture?
So there's your basic premise: it is insane to strive toward something that will interfere with or even destroy your entire way of life. Therefore, the only people who would do such a thing are clearly impaired, an impairment that interferes with a normal life.
Don't Confuse Me With Facts, My Mind Is Made Up!
Okay, you're saying, I have to grant that point, but do you have any additional data, any corollaries to the theorem? Well, try this on for size. When my son was eight, he expected Mom and Dad to pay for everything. Now that he's older, he realizes that he must work to pay for things he wants. He has grown, and matured.
Your average Liberal hasn't. In place of Mom and Dad, they expect the Government to pay for everything. Therefore, they have not grown beyond the outlook of an eight year old child. By just about any measure, an adult with an eight year old outlook is indeed impaired.
Hey, That Wasn't Very Nice!
Ouch. Kicking people when they're down just isn't fair! Well, stick around, because it gets worse. The truth won't let me be gentle. Second corollary: children are inherently self-centered. It's their way or no way. Disagree with them, and they get very, very angry. Ever disagreed with a Liberal? By their rules, they're allowed to express any opinion they like, but if you disagree or express an opinion with which they do not agree, they will often become violently angry. Considering the fact most of them are avowed peaceniks, this is indeed odd. What is more odd is how closely this behavior resembles that of a small child. As adults mature, they come to accept other points of view. Becoming vein-poppingly angry over a difference of opinion is not the act of an adult. Hence, the standard Liberal belief that the Constitutionally guaranteed right to freedom of self-expression applies only to them is yet another proof of Liberal impairment.
Don't Mince Words, What Do You REALLY Think?
There's an old saw that states, "If at the age of 20 you are not Liberal, you have no heart; if at the age of 30 you are not Conservative, you have no brain." People change as they grow and mature. The young are inherently idealistic, without thought of causality or cost. As you grow older, you tend to start asking, "well, that's a good idea, but who's going to pay for it?" Maturity and responsibility go hand in hand. The simple concept that there isn't any such thing as a free lunch occurs naturally to mature, responsible adults, but occurs rarely to the immature. Sadly, it does not occur at all to the impaired. Nor does it appear to occur to Liberals. Such a high positive correlation would tend to indicate the two groups are highly similar, if not identical.
Liberals Are NOT Amused!
Okay, we've shown that Liberalism is a mild form of mental retardation because they have the outlook of an eight year old, are dangerously self-centered, and haven't a clue about fiscal responsibility. As a final observation, please note that a well-developed sense of humor is a sign of both maturity and intelligence. Many times, I have been called upon to laugh at myself. This is not as difficult as it might seem, as I'm occasionally amusing, but I don't get angry over people laughing at me (as opposed to with me). It's part of life. Unfortunately, some people would not find this particular essay amusing in the least. The identity of these persons is left as an exercise for the student. A nickel's worth of free advice to Liberals everywhere: chill out, calm down, and don't take yourselves so seriously. Take my word for it, the rest of us certainly aren't.